Posts Tagged ‘Games’

Street Fighter

Based on the ever-popular fight-em-up coin-op, this was always destined to please video game fans at the expense of any sort of decent plot. The film has every character possible from the original game, making for a confused storyline and lots of ad-hock fights. And I mean lots. Two things make this movie just about worth a watch are:

• Gomez out of the Adams Family fight Universal Soldier Jean Claude Van Damme.
• Kylie Minogue … oily (see above pic)

House of the Dead

The light gun version has always been a strong favourite of any arcade gamer. A lengthy co-operative stint was well worth a pocket of silver. But when German director Uwe Boll gets hold of a game-to-film, all hell breaks loose … or at least some tame zombies take over an island and chase a few teens. This man is the dark king of bad video game movies, and if you’re listening Boll, please don’t touch Gods of War or Pac-man Please.

Super Mario Bros

The highlight of Dennis Hopper playing a half man half lizard still doesn’t pull this one out from the trash can of the silver screen. A lacklustre storyline and the pairing of a Colombian (John Leguizamo) and a Brit (Bob Hoskins) playing two Italian plumbers from Brooklyn are only two of the things wrong with this picture. This was the first video game to become a movie and quite possibly should have been the last.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Like Indiana Jones, but not as good, starring the lovely Angelina Jolie and Red Dwarfs Arnold Rimmer. I can never remember what happened in the end. Did she die? Oh no, sequel.

It was great to see Lara Croft in the flesh bouncing around brandishing her massive … guns.

Max Payne

A detective story involving a pharmaceutical miracle drug and some winged creatures from another dimension – think The Constant Gardener after having a frontal lobotomy. Truly great game but the picture surely didn’t deserve the $85 million it grossed worldwide… unlike Sex & the City 2 which truly deserved every one of them $280 million dollars. For real.

Mortal Combat

Another fight-em-up-come-movie transformation. Casting Christopher Lambert as Lord Rayden was quite perfect, but little else was. The movie sets looked like a bunch of ten-year-olds had had crafted them at summer camp, the dialogue was full of cheesy one-liners and every character had to summersault off a wall at least twice. Please don’t make another one. Oh, wait … you have already.

Hitman

Timothy Olyphant showing his full range of two facial expressions on the run from a checkout lady shouting ‘Come back, I just need to scan you!’.Slick at times, but worked a hell of a lot better as a video game. Surprisingly, as most video games do.

Doom

Doom remains today as one of, if not the most, influential first-person shoot-em-ups ever. “So let’s make it into a movie!” echoed the hills of Hollywood. “Great idea! But first let’s make a list of essentials…”

• Pro-wrestler turned screen icon The Rock, check!
• Completely over the top guns and monsters, check!
• Nauseating stretches with a handheld camera to mimic the successful Blair Witch Project, check!

Double Dragon

You may have thought that after the success of Super Mario Bros that the movie executives would have gone back to making orange juice adverts and Seinfeld scripts. But no,

Double Dragon is a game featuring two Asian twin brothers that kick ass in a big way.

It got turned into a film featuring two American dudes that kick ass in an even bigger way. One of them is called Lee to give it an oriental twist. Do not watch this.

Alone in the Dark

From the picture above a keen eye could spot the difference between Christian Slater and an out of work Star Trek monster from 1994. Personally, I’m still torn. This film lacks any sort of plot or direction and Tara Reids acting is like …well, Tara Reid. It got a measly 1% from Rotten Tomatoes and rightly so. (Bullet-proof vests with muscles on them are damn cool however…)

Without the ‘Boss‘, a video game is simply not a video game. Bosses serve as the final challenge, the true test of your skill. And by this point, you tend to be living in the world which the game has created, so they are pretty damn scary!

Developers have prided themselves of delivering enemies that are bigger, badder and wilder than the previous level. Check out our top 15, and please, don’t get scared!

We pulled together a list of 15 video game bosses that are hardest to defeat!

1. Final Fantasy XI boss could take 24 hours to kill

A boss so difficult to defeat, it forced many hardcore players to think about an alternative activity- ‘what else can i do with my day?’

Tackling this boss could take 24 hours to defeat, and players were falling physically ill and fainting. Members of a Final Fantasy XI clan (yes as hardcore as gaming players can be) considered it to be too difficult to waste their time with. I do believe this boss, in challenging peoples whole perception of computer games, is the Capo di tutti capi.

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2.  Robo-corpse – Contra 3

What is more awesome than a giant, blood thirsty terminator shooting you, and searing it’s hands around a maze of flames?!

Whilst Contra games are renowned for their monstrous bosses, this ultimate boss demonstrated the kind of extravaganza only Super NES games could pull off. Even the special surprise in Mass Effect 2 couldn’t pull it off quite so well.

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3. Ridley – Super Metroid

At the beginning of Super Metroid, gamers are reunited with the space pirate boss Ridley. Unfortunately (be careful of any on-set of a heart attack), there is no ammo to defend yourself! Ridley sets to abduct Samus’ little pal, a baby metroid, who treated Samus like his mother. In no walk of life is this an attack to be taken lying down, this is now a very personal mission. Ridley is one beastly character.

But you thought the stealing of the baby Larvae was bad? Wait till you find him waiting in his lair, awaiting her return.

On welcoming Samus, he dive-bombs out of his vertical lair, making varying wild and unpredictable attacks; scorching Samus with his fiery breath, seizing her in his talents and whipping her repeatedly with his barbed tail. Not only this, he seems to absorb Samus’ defence attacks quite indifferently. This is Ridley at his up most, and the attack is notorious amongst Super Metroid players.

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4. Psycho Mantis – Metal Gear Solid

Not only does psycho mantis’ eerie, scratchy voice echo into your life beyond ‘The Game’ and into your darkest dreams, he can read your thoughts. He reviews your progress throughout the game, and refer back to games prior Metal Gear Solid. He can, at any moment, take over your control pad.

This is the ultimate psychological thriller of games. You don’t even need fire breathing dragons to cry at your screen with this one. And remember (read in scratchy, eerie voice), He will Never Escape You!

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5. Kefka From Final Fantasy 6

To look at Kefka Palazzo, you would not predict the extend of his villainous nature. He could be considered the least intimidating-looking villain in the whole of the Final Fantasy series.

But looks can be very, deceiving. He poisoned a whole kingdom, erased the Esper race, assassinated his boss in without a second thought, and rose to ultimate control through devastating the entire planet. He went about obliterating towns and villages at any whisper of rebellion, ruling as a ruthless despot.

So if a whole village cannot survive his aggressive tyranny, we can predict the extent of the battle. Kefka first forces the player’s party to fight it’s way through his controlled terrifying goddesses, which as frighteningly twisted human forms look like you have entered the borders of hell, there is no way back, and it is times worse than you could have ever imagined. When you finally come face to face with the infamous Kefka, who is now in a godlike form, he removes all your health to one with his ‘Fallen One’ Trick. Damn, this guy is mean!

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6. Final Boss From Crysis

With a giant freeze ray which the alien ship battle shoots at you and the crazy looking aliens fired upon you, we can see why the final boss is a bit of a gamers legend. It helps that the special effects are pretty quality.

Not the most difficult to defeat, but the finale of shooting a nuke up its ass makes for wonderfully hilarious game play. This is certainly one of our favourites!

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7. Diablo – Diablo 1

When it’s up to you to let the boss out of his cage, you really don’t want to. You put off this moment along as you can. And when you finally hit that switch on the fourth level of hell itself, you are gushed with fire and blood and are left face to face with…DIABLO!

What makes for ultimate perfection in this defeat is the blood lusting satisfaction the player gets from ripping the soulstone from Diablo’s head and forcing it into your own head with a high pitched scream. Or maybe that’s just me.

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8. Shiva – Streets of Rage 2

With streets of rage, you can see why the illusive Mr X has Shiva as his right hand man.

He’s proper bad ass, fully suited in black and he certainly rivals your moves. It may be that you have had to defeat such a range of enemies just to get to this point, but he is fast on his feet. When finally faced with Mr X and his machine gun, you feel quite prepared!

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9. Zodiark from Final Fantasy XII

Zodiark is sometimes over shadowed by Yiazmat, who tends to gets all the fuss (I suppose he does take up the whole arena, and has fifty million hit points) but the Zodiark fight is fantastic.

After fighting your way through what seems to be an endless queue of some of the toughest enemies in the game, Zodiark bewitches you with ‘Darkja’ (a dark-elemental spell, which  which can kill instantly).
Just before falling asleep with exhaustion after defeating Zodiark, its nice to take a long inhale of satisfaction.

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10. SHODAN – System Shock

Most games have a beastly boss at the end of a very long and winding journey. SHODAN, right from the beginning is EVERYWHERE, haunting each step of your journey. You could find her peering from the space station’s computer monitors, imposing upon friendly radio transmissions, and, taunting the player over the PA system with jeering insults as “Look at you, hacker: a pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors.” She is frighteningly confident. She cannot understand how a fundamentally flawed being such as a human could be allowed to exist.

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11. Death – Castlevania (NES)

Death and his damn scythes.

He is slow moving, but these makes him all the more aggravating. His scythes float around during the fight, which are difficult to avoid and cause four bars of damage a slice. Without the axe your attack is flawed, its long-arced shape is crucial to making it through alive.

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12. The Cyberdemon – Doom 3

The Cyberdemon. A twenty foot tall, cybernetic minotaur that has a rocket launcher for an arm. What can you do but shoot, shoot, shoot until it dies?

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13. Mike Tyson – Mike Tysons Punch Out

One may devote countless hours of their life to beat Tyson, and never do it. He is one speedy puncher with some top rate moves, such as the one-punch knockout. How can you beat this?!

And yes, we are talking about the computer game. But it helps to be fighting a real champion boxer, even if it is through a screen. It keeps you coming back for more.

This game is legendary. The password to reach Tyson directly has become like a secret handshake among fans (it’s 007-373-5963 if you’re wondering.

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14. Satan – Digital Devil Saga 2

The uniqueness of Satan lies in the requirement of using a calculator to defeat him. And also a LOT of speed. Spend too much time tapping away at those digits, when you manage to get Satan’s HP down to 1500,  he will heal back to health if not immediately successfully attacked.

To defeat Satan, you MUST be at level 99, and using Beacon of Assault three times in a row in order to stop him from casting a spell that will destroy you instantaneously. Ah Lord.

However, we cannot put into words the sense of accomplishment you will feel. Think a state of pure ecstasy. Surrounded by your most cuddliest of teddy bears. Now times this by ten.

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15. Yiazmat – Final Fantasy XII (PlayStation)

This is one insane battle. Yiazmat has 50,112,254 hit points. Yes, ridiculous, I know.

Yiazmat can destroy at the onset of the fight, so don’t even bother attempting the fight if your character levels are under 75.

As Yiazmat is weak against Dark you must have either the Yagyu Darkblade or Orochi with the Cat Ear Hood. The Fomalhaut gun with Dark Shot equipped is a requirement.

One hundred Chronos Tears with Bubble Belts and Windbreakers will definitely help for all your characters.

With all this, there is still no guarantee you will come out of there alive. Good luck anyhow…ill meet you at the end!

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Sgt. Wilhelmina Church

Clive Barker’s Jericho

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Sheva

Resident Evil

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Sarah Morrison

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Tabula Rasa

Alyx Vance

Half Life

Eva

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Metal Gear

Jack

Mass Effect 2

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Ada Wong

Resident Evil

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Jill Valentine

Resident Evil

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Nariko

Heavenly Sword

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Rachel

Ninja Gaiden

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We love the weaponry from the virtual world of sci-fi FPS games, from the most hi-tech guns to fighting robots, flying rockets and chainsaws. If it kills, maims, creates explosions we are for it.

But whilst we are ripping off the head of opponents and satisfying our on-screen blood lust , we often ignore how unrealistic and impracticle these weapons are.

Innovation in the gaming industry has revealed weird and interesting weapons designed to kill, maim and destroy virtual enemies.

So let’s take a look at the best contenders for the most unrealistic weapons in video games.

The Snark from Half Life:

The Snark, also known as the Squeak Grenade is a small, red and round creature, with single green eye and a pincer-like mandible. It lacks intelligence and is just out there to kill, no matter even it’s the person who actually threw it. That’s because it kills everything except it’s own kind. It bites the target, and within 20 secs explodes into a spray of acid. Need I say its near to impossible to be in real?

Cloud’s sword from Final Fantasy VII

Its 8 foot length speaks for its bulky weight and imagine swinging the beast in a room ,over your head and all over your body. Even if you are a WWF champion, this will indeed be near to impossible deal, leave alone fighting any opponent.

Gravity Gun from Half from Life 2

As the name suggests, the gun helped the player to pick up, smash or throw seemingly unmovable objects out in the air. Imagine having done that in reality, picking up a car, flying it in the air and then throwing it down on your enemy. A perfect scene for a science fiction movie and just apt for a video game play only.

Clawdovic Cacadoos Vulgaris AKA The Parrot Bomb (Serious Sam II)

I have heard about human bombs, but not a parrot bomb delivery system. I am sorry to confess I did giggle hearing about the parrot bomb initially. You have to train your parrot to carry a payload of high-yield explosives hanging ’round its neck and then set it off toward the enemies for an explosive finale, the animal right activists are sure to catch you hard.

The Keyblade from Kingdom Hearts

Don’t just go by the picture if you haven’t played the game and used the tool. The keyblade acts just like a sword and is very efficient in slicing, dicing,shooting magic fireballs and opening all manner of locks even if that meant unlocking the door to the other world. And its even got a keychain. Couldn’t be better replica of a real life item used as a weapon to combat the heartless and nobodies. Great news is that all of us own one already, may be could try using it this way!

Shrink Ray – Duke Nukem 3D

Miniaturize your target and squash it under your boot like a dung beetle. Want to shrink yourself and hide out from the foe, there is a mirror at the rear for the same. But that’s only possible when you are behind the screen of your console or computer as an animated character, and certainly not in the real world.

BFG9000 – Doom

I know all of you must be furious having to see your most loved weapon in here. But get realistic guys.  The gun shoots a plasma powered bolt of FTW that could liquefy, disintegrate and vaporize any human, beast or demon in one brilliant pull of the trigger, now that’s a little indigestible. Also the gun would not only be heavy and bulky , but requires great power to actually get into action. Just found a writer quoting the same “it does consume enough energy to power Disneyland for a week.” Now that’s an eyebrow raiser.

Hornet Gun from Half-Life

Also known as the Hive Hand, this is the only gun you can get in a video game that will fire hornets. I am thinking of creating my own video game where you will be able to use a mouse cannon.
The rate of fire is pretty puny and the damage that these buzzy critters do is very little. It can produce an infinite amount of hornets and doesn’t really explain the science behind it. I wont be proposing this weapon to the Pentagon

The Boomerang from The Legend of Zelda

The boomerang in the game is capable of not only taking out the enemies but also collect the items that those Tektites and Leevers leave behind. It even gets an upgrade part way into the game, letting the player to unleash that bad boy giving a pain in the ass.

The Bio-Sludge Rifle From Unreal Tournament Series

The bio Sludge rifle squirts out mildly corrosive goop around the battlefield in varying quantities, insert toilet humour joke here.

Lets get closer to the details. As you press the trigger, primary fire launches a series of small, green blobs which stick to anything or explode on contact with another player. The secondary fire button allows to store additional quantities of goop while depressing the secondary fire button and causesa more fatal effect killing instantly. Don’t miss out what a bio-rifle enthusiast has to say, “Away with  your tactical nukes and lightning guns and shock rifles.  Take them from my sight, for I shall be using the futuristic incarnation of the world’s worst super-soaker. Fear me .” Couldn’t me more absurd.